praxis athlete

Another Way

 

This is dedicated to the competitors courageous enough to let there be another way. 

 
There are two types of competitors, the comparative competitor and the compassionate one. The former views its opponents as enemies of achievement, the ladder respects its foe as a partner in the dance of progress. Both play to win.
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My whole life I’d considered myself ‘a winner’ but winning games came at a heavy cost to my mental and emotional wellness. My relationship to competition wasn’t healthy or sustainable. I was a thriving performer, but not a thriving person.

For the last four years I’ve been on a spiritual inquisition into the true nature of competition. The inquisition began in my own heart, in a feeling that there had to be another way, beyond the way I’d experienced as yet, into the true competitive joy and exhilaration of sport. 

My whole life I'd considered myself 'a winner', but winning games had always come at a heavy cost to my mental and emotional wellness. My relationship to competition wasn't healthy, or sustainable. I was a thriving performer, but not a thriving person. I was separate from grace, from myself, and in desperate search of an experience that winning, or being good, never satisfied. I longed for a deeper connection to life and those around me. A sense of unshakeable purpose, an identity that wasn’t attached to the thing I did, to beating an opponent, but to the aliveness of the competitive experience. 

Letting there be 'another way' meant stepping into an abyss of unknowns without knowing the way out. It took courage, and vulnerability to face myself, and the suffering that I'd created and bottled up over 25 years of competing without grace. 

I was vexed by questions - did I have to sacrifice my desire for greatness and my will to win to experience connection and happiness?  Was there a way to be a happy, kind, see-the-big-picture person and a fierce, powerful, do-whatever-it-takes competitor? What did it mean to compete with grace? Was there way to pursue excellence and victory without being overcome by the competitive quest?

These questions, and my willingness to explore them, led me through the abyss. The biggest transformation for me came in how I relate to competition, and sport. 

Growing up, my family called me ‘the Spaz.’ After games, win or lose (and sometimes during them) I threw huge, embarrassing, emotional tantrums. I sobbed hysterically on the pitchers mound after losing the u10 town softball championship. I threw my jersey at a coach during overtime of a 6th grade basketball game. I screamed at teammates, stuck my tongue out to the rowdy crowd. Get the idea? 

I was, and still am, a passionate person. Passion made me tough, demanding, and a little bit crazy. I wore my passion in my body. As a kid, I put my entire being into sports. I played with desperation. Life or death, that's how I saw the game. I don't know why I felt that way. At 8 years old, I struggled to deal with the extreme energetic build-up of competition. The spazzes, as ridiculous and embarrassing as they were (thank God for my patient and compassionate mother) were simply raw and unfiltered energetic releases.

In time, I began to realize that spazzing wasn’t exactly  acceptable for a teenage girl. So, I defaulted to what I believe a lot people who can’t fully understand, express, channel or articulate their emotions default too - I became passive-aggressive. Moody, and unpredictable, the energy of passion swirled inside of me, and I was ashamed to express it, let alone feel it.

The chasm felt scary and not safe, so instead of exploring it, I hid. I hid in perfection. In depression. I  dimmed my gifts, dulled my personality. I bullied myself. Isolated myself. I tried so hard to fit in, to be normal, to be calm, to be happy, to be easy, to be great, to be who I thought I should be. 

There was another side to me too. I was kind, compassionate, intuitive and deeply curious . There was a chasm between the boisterous, competitive, wild me and the kind, intuitive, compassionate me.  I felt like I had to make a choice between being fierce, direct, and aggressive or quiet, intuitive, and kind. I couldn't be both, I thought. It was either too much or not enough. 

The chasm felt scary and not safe, so instead of exploring it, I hid. I hid in perfection. In depression. I  dimmed my gifts, dulled my personality. I bullied myself. Isolated myself. I tried so hard to fit in, to be normal, to be calm, to be happy, to be easy, to be great, to be who I thought I should be. 

Competition and training became both my emotional sanctuary - the place were I was free to be wild and creative -  and an emotional attachment.  I hid in the roller coaster thrills and moods of competition. I hid in the results. I did well in school, in sports, in any domain I choose to do well in, and behind the performance was a lost, and divided, kid. I judged myself with every win, loss, mistake and critique.

As a kid, I didn't feel safe to explore the chasm of questions inside of me, and as I got older, I tended toward ignorance because I didn’t have the courage to admit it to myself that I was crazed by competition, obsessed with the exhilaration and validation of winning. For better or worse, the roller coaster was the only way I'd ever known, and until four years ago, I was too scared to admit that there could be another way. 

A compassionate competitor focuses on how to pursue winning in a way that uplifts and inspires all those courageous enough to participate in the dance - the opponent, the referees, the spectators, the parents. It means recognizing and appreciating all the parts that make the game possible, and playing your part in way that expands possibility of the game.  

It was one thing to admit there could be another way to succeed, and another thing to give myself space to explore another way. I mean, I was 9 years, and 2 Olympics deep into my international hockey career. To explore another way, meant letting go of desires and dreams on the hockey field that were rooted in comparison, and my one-track measure of success. It meant letting myself feel and suffer, without trying to fix it or make it better. It meant getting quieter. I listened more, and I listened differently. It meant offering myself the gift of compassion. Compassion does not mean weak, or soft. It simply means to suffer with, or to share in suffering. When I acknowledged my own suffering, I became free to compete from a purer place, not from comparison or judgement, from compassion. 

A compassionate competitor doesn't diminish the desire to win. In high performance environments, you have to play to win. You have to want to be the best you can be. What matters is how you compete, and where you compete from. A compassionate competitor focuses on how to pursue winning in a way that uplifts and inspires all those courageous enough to participate in the dance - the opponent, the referees, the spectators, the parents. It means recognizing and appreciating all the parts that make the game possible, and playing your part in way that expands possibility of the game.  

The last four years taught me something invaluable about life, and it is this - There is always another way if you are courage enough to let there be another way. When I look back on my playing career, the thing I am most proud of is the person I let myself become. That person always believes there is another way.  

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Discover Within, Expand Beyond,

Rachel

 

 

For truth, be steady

 

This post is dedicated to the city of Charlottesville, all who feel misunderstood, and the people courageous enough to be steady and honest in the face of uncertainty.

 

6 Attributes OF THE STEADFAST LEADER:

Strength / Stability

Focus

Stress Response

Support

Values

Recovery


In Charlottesville, I sensed a certain mystery, an opportunity for the convergence of deep exploration, purposeful expression and positive impact. A place to bring together what had felt like the disparate pieces of myself.

A month ago, on what felt like a whim, I decided to take a coaching position at the University of Virginia. I knew very little about the town of Charlottesville before moving here. I’d heard about Thomas Jefferson, and the downtown mall, and the Shenandoah Mountains, yet beyond that, I knew, and appreciated very little of the profound intricacies of this town.

The relocation happened fast. Coaching field hockey wasn’t in my immediate career plan. I wanted to explore the personal development of athletes beyond the playing field. But in late July, I was desperate for a change of scenery. A fresh place to be inspired and build new opportunities and relationships - a space to renew my curiosity about who I was, and how I related to my gifts, interests, and responsibility to the world. When the University of Virginia called about a coaching opportunity, it was the allure and possibility of Charlottesville that attracted me. 


Language of Leadership

Steadfast

ACTION STYLE - STEADY

Resolute, firm, and unwavering sense of purpose and principle

The place felt right. In Charlottesville, I sensed a certain mystery, an opportunity for the convergence of deep exploration, purposeful expression and positive impact. A place to bring together what had felt like the disparate pieces of myself - Praxis, yoga, sport, academic learning, and spiritual development. 

Charlottesville had it all. A complex history deeply intertwined with that of America, a world-class educational institution, a vast spiritual and yoga culture, great restaurants, a vibrant arts scene, and unparalleled natural beauty. It had the dynamic appeal of a city, and the charm of a small town.


When I arrived I was immediately struck by what seemed like a bundle of contradictions. I couldn’t quite put my finger on how to describe Charlottesville. It felt like a southern town with a Boston feel. An elite college in a humble mountain setting. A place where the extremely wealthy, the blue collar, and the homeless collided everyday. Its roads were lined with modern strip malls, the best grocery stores, splendid farms, and breathtaking historic architecture. It felt suburban, metropolitan, and rural at the same time. It felt deeply spiritual and devoutly secular. 

It was impossible to give Charlottesville a clear cut, easy to understand label. It was all of the contradictions, and none of them. Charlottesville was a real place - fully alive with all the trappings and mysteries of humanity.

The mystery magnetized me. It was impossible to give Charlottesville a clear cut, easy to understand label. It was all of the contradictions, and none of them. Charlottesville was a real place - fully alive with all the trappings and mysteries of humanity. It wasn’t some idyllic, and isolated college town. It was a vibrant and dynamic community facing the uncertainty of our times. Caught between the desire to cling to its storied history, and the responsibility to face the reality of who it is, where it came from, and how that history informs and impacts its current reality. 

When we hide, we refuse our place in the world. We limit ourselves from truly understanding who we are, and what’s possible for our existence. 

When I looked at Charlottesville, I saw myself. The convergence of seeming contradictions - different emotions, passions, attitudes, and perspectives. The convergence of past, present, and future. The uncertainty of a changing culture and identity. 

And very much, like Charlottesville, I was in a period of profound transition. I had more questions than I had answers. I knew that moments of transition were moments of great opportunity or extreme threat depending on the steadiness of the response to change.  

Change is uncomfortable. It asks us to live in the space of not knowing, and to be in the steady work that makes understanding possible. Often though, we fail to accept not knowing. Rather, we pretend that we already know. We hide behind certainty, we deny the existence of opportunities and threats. We deny part of the truth, and cling to the other. We judge everything. Its right or wrong, left or right, black or white. The labels give us the perception of control, yet humanity, and life, is so much more complex than the labels we give it. The hiding - behind labels, justifications, excuses, blame, complaints and sorries - only causes suffering. It creates a false, and narrow reality, one in which we cannot make progress or learn because we can't fully understand ourselves, our motivations, and our role in, and responsibility to the big picture. When we hide, we refuse our place in the world. We limit ourselves from truly understanding who we are, and what’s possible for our existence. 

In Charlottesville, I've learned that for truth to be possible, we must confront all changing parts of ourselves with steady work and honest endeavor. The mystery that attracted me to this place, is the very magic that I now love about it. I love Charlottesville's nuance and complexity. Its beauty and its mess. I love how real and raw it is. I love the passion in the hearts of its people. I love the aliveness this community. I love that Charlottesville, in this time of transition, has a profound opportunity to impact and shift the way that America engages in the honest and tough conversation about our who we are, and what we are responsible for. I love that Charlottesville doesn’t have the answers. I love that this place, rather than pretending to have it, instead, is courageous enough to say ‘I don’t,’ and engage in the conversation anyways. 

Change is the only certainty we face. If living in Charlottesville has taught me anything, its that we must be bold, honest and steady in the pursuit of truth. We must not hide, or pretend. We must seek to understand the complete truth of who we are, and how we impact the world. As imperfect and uncomfortable as the uncertainty may feel, we must - each and everyone of us - face it full on. 

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Discover within, Expand Beyond,

Rachel

The Gift of Charisma

 

This post is dedicated to the power, gift and talent within, and the courage to express it. 

 
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6 Attributes of the Charismatic Leader

Speed / Power

Creativity

Confidant Expression

Influence / Collaboration

Inspiration / Vision

Fueling


What is Charisma?

Charisma is the experience of being totally moved  by the raw presence of another human being - their unfiltered, honest, vulnerable, powerful self.

Magnetic presence. Power. Attraction. Charm. A divinely conferred power, talent or gift. It is that certain Je ne said quios, that powerful force of aliveness and passion in the eyes, voice, and heart that inspires,and connects. Charisma draws us in, and it also pushes us away. It creates, and it destroys. It is the experience of being totally moved  by the raw presence of another human being - their unfiltered, honest, vulnerable, powerful self.

The gift of charisma, to which we are all privy when we deeply connect to our own source of passion, is that of pure power, energy, charm, and spirit. Charisma invigorates, inspires and magnetizes. It makes transformation possible. To lead with charisma, a leader must be willing to be unconventional, willing to invoke and express emotional depth, and creativity in a simple, relatable, responsible yet emphatic way. 

Below is a personal expression of my experience of charisma. I wrote the words as they came to me. 


 

Power Action Style

 Affirms, invigorates, inspires and influences action with captivating energy and presence

 

The audience senses her presence. They feel it in their bones - they lean imperceptibly toward her even though she's invisible. They don’t know why they do it. All they know is they can’t help it. They are magnetized by her - by every word she says, by the way she says them, by the message of her presence.

She walks in the room. The silence gets deeper, more profound. Her shoes click against the hard wood floor. Poised, powerful, and undaunted by the pressure of the audiences’ clinging, she strides to the podium, asserts herself firmly behind it, clears her voice as if to speak, and then, she smiles. Its the type of smile that puts you at ease, rescuing you from the trance of expectation. That's her welcome, her way of instructing you to take your seat, open your ears, and simply listen.  Let yourself be moved, the smile says.

Then, the smile fades, and for a moment deafening silence overtakes the room.

And then, the lion roars. Words flow from her. She doesn’t say them, she expresses them with the totality of her being - her voice, her body, her eyes - with the courage of her unconventional passion.

The lion roars.

Words flow from her. She doesn’t say them, she expresses them with the totality of her being - her voice, her body, her eyes - with the courage of her unconventional passion. She shocks them with her ruthless honesty, and engages them with the articulation of her message, and purpose. She feels every word she says, she lives every word - she expresses each one with the force of her being, deeply respecting and trusting the rawness of her voice. 

Confidence oozes from her pores. With every ounce of her being, she believes, and her belief infuses the hearts and minds of those around her with a sense of belonging, power, and promise. She knows the danger of her gift. She fears her gift - its ability to move, spark and inspire. She fears the responsibility that comes with her gift - the gift of freedom and greatness. 

She chooses to step into the fear. To let life, and the gift, gravitate toward her and flow from her. She doesn't pursue it. Pursuit pushes the gift away. She welcomes it, and lets it come to her.  She understands that to share the gift, she must be responsibility for it. The gift can create and destroy. Power is never neutral. The choice is hers, and hers alone. 

Impact of magnetic presence

  1. Engage through ability to express powerful and passionate message
  2. Energize through strong emotion
  3. Express unconventional, courageous vision
  4. Infuse with Belief
  5. Connect through powerful presence
  6. Transforms  

So she chooses to use her gift to help others discover their own natural charisma - their personal spark of presence and passion. She knows she mustn’t let them cling. She mustn’t diminish them, or herself. She must use her gift to help them discover their own power, to magnetize them to impactful cause, not to a person, personality, or prestige. 

For the gift, the human gift, the gift of energy, of charisma, of power, is a force field - it draws us in and repels us away.Charisma is the gift of grace. It is volatile, and beautiful.  It creates. It destroys. 

Share your gift. She dares you.

Discover Within, Expand Beyond

Rachel



 

 

The Shepherd Leader

 

This post is dedicated to my Mom, the greatest, most impactful, quietest and humblest leader I’ve ever known. 

 
The best leaders don’t actually lead - they listen, and the way they listen subtly shapes and shifts the listening, and perspective, of those around them.  
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6 Attributes of the Shepherd 

Mobility / Flexibility

Adaptability

Optimism / Grit

Empathy

Growth Mindset

Relaxation

 

The Shepherd Leader

  • Leads with Listening
  • Encourages Contribution and Leadership
  • Creates the Container for individual freedom, group cohesion, and greatness
  • Understands and connects by being part of the group
  • Sees and serves the big picture

The most impactful leaders don't use flamboyant words or flashy action. They don’t preach, instruct, tell, or teach. The greatest leaders live unnoticed, little seen or heard - celebrated not by name or fame, but rather as the invisible force of possibility and aliveness within each person and situation.

The best leaders don't actually lead - they listen, and the way they listen subtly shapes and shifts the listening, and perspective, of those around them.  They listen for space, the opportunity for greatness to emerge in others.


Action Style

Trust

Acts freely and firmly with confidant, humble ease, and high acceptance


We call them Shepherds, these invisible, silent, devoted listeners that guide life into its unique possibility in the simplest of moments. To the Shepherd, leadership flourishes in follower-ship - in the ability to listen, adapt, and serve with patient, steadfast optimism. The shepherd is a watcher who understands the needs of the group, nurtures talent within the group , and encourages expression and contribution of those talents. The Shepherd serves with fortitude and humility. Quiet, yet expansive and powerful, the Shepherd celebrates leadership not as an act, but as an art, a force to be experienced within and entrusted to the entire group. 

Who have been the Shepherds in your life? Take a second to celebrate the people who've listened, who've quietly - without pomp or cheer - seen you, and served you - the people who've shaped the way the you listen, and who've made space for you to emerge in your own unique greatness. Celebrate them, and then devote yourself to becoming a Shepherd, a quiet, invisible, and nameless servant of the power in another.

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Discover Within, Expand Beyond,

Rachel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Mental Element

 

This post is dedicated to every coach, teacher, teammate and opponent that pushed me outside my comfort zone and helped me realize that my only limit was inside my head.

 
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The key to maintaining mental composure is to stay simple, present, and to task in each moment, confidently calling every bluff you face whether from the opponent, the situation, or yourself. 

The Mental Element

Enhance Decision-Making

the 6 mental Attributes

Awareness

Adaptability

Creativity

Focus

Situational Analysis

Strategic Alignment


We are all living and responding from our own virtual reality. Two individuals put in the exact same situation can and most likely will experience it totally differently. That’s what makes team sports so interesting, and sometimes frustrating, every player approaches the game, and each situation in it, from a different perspective.

A sports psychologist once asked me how much of the game I thought was mental? Without blinking I said 100%. The mind impacts everything I see, say, do - and more so, how I experience the things I see, say and do. 

It's all a mind game - sports, life, chess, super mario brothers, candy crush. We are all living and responding from our own virtual reality. Two individuals put in the exact same situation can and most likely will experience it totally differently. That's what makes team sports so interesting, and sometimes frustrating - every player, coach, and parent approaches the game from a different perspective. Merging the divergent mindsets, and translating them into unified action is what creates that magic we often call chemistry.

That magic begins with knowing your own mind, learning its mastery, and from there, letting the realm of possibility expand.  It is easy to ignore the impact your mental patterns have on your sport experience because those patterns hide in plain sight, so normal and pervasive, we often don't even notice they exist.  

“Give ‘em enough rope to hang themselves,” that’s what Lee Bodimeade, my first coach on the national team used to say. In sports lingo that meant create such a strong perception of pressure that the opponent overthinks, hesitates, break flows, and coughs up the ball. Winning meant figuring out how to turn the opponent against themselves - mind against body, teammate against teammate, coach against player. When the opponent started to talk back to the refs or complain, that’s when we knew we had them right where we wanted them - not focused on the work of the game, in their heads, in the thick of their own personal virtual competitive hell. I know the torture of such a hell because I've been there more times than I care to recount.

The role of my mind is to efficiently process information in a way that enhances decision-making, and promotes the mission.

While we worked to break the opponent, the opponent worked to break us. We attacked each others blindspots - that thing everyone else can see in you that you ignore. The constant battle of wills required disciplined training, fortitude and clarity of purpose - the choice not get caught in the windfalls, ebbs, and flows of the competitive storm. Be un-messable, the eye at the center of the storm is a phrase Lisa Taylor my yoga teacher often says. Craig Parnham, former national team coach, would say ‘heart in the fire, head in the fridge,’ and ‘bend but don’t break’ were the wise words of Lee Bodimeade. However you term it, the key to maintaining mental composure is to stay simple, present, and to task in each moment, confidently calling every bluff you face whether from the opponent, the game, or yourself. 

Calling your own bluff means getting to know yourself in a pretty deep way - knowing your triggers, your  thought patterns, perceptions, blind spots, and default reactions. It means knowing what my teammate, Melissa Gonzales called 'the dark side,' the side most of us pretend doesn't exist.  

Knowing yourself means understanding how you take in information, how you process it, and how you use it to make decisions. Awareness, the ability to take on information in the moment without judgement, expectation, or reaction, is the key to self-understanding. 

Sport, like life, is a infinite number of bundled decisions aimed toward the fulfillment of some purpose or intention - score a goal, win a game, buy a home, run a thriving business, be of service, be happy, make something possible for the next generation, etc.  Each decision impacts the bigger picture, and your mind is the filter that frames every aspect of the decision-making process. It is the tool that interprets all the sensory information your body receives and  processes it as efficiently as possible to make a decision that promotes the mission.


 

Step 1: What are you aware of? 

What sensory information do you take in? What do you hear, feel, smell, taste, and see? Your environment, skills, experience, and expectations prime you to take in certain types of information while ignoring others. When I was playing, depending on my frame of mind, I would scan the field and sense the opponents pressure, or I'd sense the space and opportunity behind the pressure. 

Step 2: What options are available? 

How you process information determines what options are available to you. In my case, if I was focused on the defenders pressure, my options were limited. If I was focused on the space behind the pressure, more options became available.

Step 3: Decide on a course of action. 

Once you know your options, decide a course of action

Step 4: Execute.

Use your physical skill set to execute the decision

 

the 6 Mental Attributes 

Awareness - ability take on information in the moment without judgement, expectation, or reaction; relies on the use of the senses, mindfulness

Adaptability - openmindness and acceptance, ability to adjust effectively and fluidly to changing circumstances

Creativity - the ability to go beyond normal patterns and rules in order to create new forms, solutions, relationships, and models

Situational Analysis - the ability to identify, process, and comprehend critical information happening in a specific moment in order to provide effective and immediate solutions

Strategic Alignment - the ability to link structure, role specialization, and in moment decision-making for mission fulfillment

 So how do you develop a better understanding of your mental patterning? 

It takes time, and training. But to start, go way outside your comfort zone and see what comes up. 

Pressure train your mind. Work your body beyond its perceived limits. Enter a totally new environment. Challenge yourself. Do something you don't want to do. Maybe that means turning off the T.V., de-screening, and sitting still for a bit. Get to know what reality you actually live in. Encourage the onslaught of uncomfortable and new sensation, and see how your mind reacts. Does it want to quit, run, fight, blame, complain? What virtual reality does it create?  Heaven? Hell?

Let your default mental pattern emerge. Accept it, then harness the decision-making capacity of your mind by committing to develop your mental capacity. Start with awareness. Then identify a specific area you'd like to explore in greater depth - maybe its your adaptability, creativity, focus, situational response, or strategic alignment. Explore one area, that's all, and see how it shows up in your life? Get really, really curious about your mind. Go to the dark side, see what's there. 

Because the degree to which you know yourself is the degree to which you can go beyond yourself.  Only when your mind is open, clear, and responsive are you free to serve and be part of something bigger. 

And the secret to knowing yourself is. . .

all in your head. 

Discover Within, Expand Beyond,

Rachel